issue 19
the week in kardashians, cults, and divorces
happy monday and welcome back to another issue of the noasletter. preemptively, i would like to say that there was not a single red carpet this week, so i do not have to talk about fashion. i know you are all so grateful. i am now taking a break from wallowing about sydney sweeney being cast in a marvel movie and already losing four of my march madness brackets to share with you what i deem to be the most important information of the week! besides the stuff that is actually the most important information of the week. there are other newsletters for that.
what i’m thinking about this week:
literally the only news i have to deliver about the kardashians this week is that scott and pete (and corey gamble!) hang out now and there’s a new swimwear line at skims. kim did not send me a cute little pr package, so i’m not linking it. oh, and pete’s not going to space (thank god, i do not trust those phallic jeff bezos rockets). also, there’s some beef between travis barker and…cannibal corpse? slow week! top of the pyramid is…well, i guess it’s pete davidson? really not many options here.
it’s been a while — two whole weeks! — since we talked about former kardashian-adjacent julia fox. i have to break that streak because i would like to pose a very low-stakes conspiracy theory involving julia fox. a month and a half ago, julia was a guest on the worst podcast not hosted by joe rogan, call her daddy. famously, it is where she uttered the words that changed tik tok forever, i mean, i was josh safdie’s muse when he wrote uncut gems. that is literally all i know because i did not listen.
since julia’s appearance, call her daddy has had two celebrity guests…and they were both guests on julia’s podcast forbidden fruits first…is there beef between alex cooper (the host of call her daddy) and julia fox? is alex poaching julia’s guests?
tik tok makes it absolutely impossible to follow drama, especially because everyone on the app wants to share their opinion on the drama and then there are just too many videos to watch. for that reason, i prefer to get my tik tok drama information from the inevitable write-ups or podcasts (shoutout, icymi!) it spawns. this gawker write-up about if the tik tok dance cult is real is helpful, although i flinched when i read that one of the “apostles” of the alleged cult worked for the trump administration.
i got an ad for this absolutely wild megan thee stallion-sponsored goldbelly pie that i assume is a tie-in with her new song sweetest pie ft. dua lipa today while doing a mindless instagram scroll and instantly knew it would have to be in this week’s newsletter. EDIBLE GOLD? youtuber’s ghost kitchens walked so the megan thee stallion-sponsored goldbelly pie could run.
there was a couple named tom and katie on vanderpump rules. despite not watching vanderpump rules, i have been unable to stop thinking about the divorce of tom-not-cruise and katie-not-holmes. first of all, the e! news app sent this to me as a BREAKING notification. my fault for having the e! news app? perhaps. second, ree drummond, the pioneer woman, commented heartfelt messages on both tom and katie’s instagram posts because apparently, unlike me, she is a massive vanderpump rules fan? third, this e! news post about closure cocktails made me laugh out loud.
finally, can someone tell me if this couple was ever actually legally married? because i am very unclear on that.
what i’m loving this week:
this profile of dylan o’brien is another thing that has not left my brain. i am a sucker for a samantha leach profile, and i am 100% a sucker for dylan o’brien. (and so is my mom, who is reading this. hi mom!) stars: they’re just like us! they insist on reminding people remi wolf was on american idol every time they listen to her!
since i am a certified white man’s whore, i cannot resist also linking jacob elordi’s hot ones interview from this week here. my favorite part is when he says erotic thrillers aren’t really that good…during an interview promoting adrian lyne’s deep water!!! what a fucking guy.
i have absolutely no idea where these little german boy tik toks came from, because if you miss ten minutes on tik tok, you miss an entire trend cycle. but as a liability by lorde girlie, this video makes me laugh harder every.single.time i watch it.
quick endorsements: is it cake? on netflix, for my friends by king princess, caesar salad with pasta, the target x stoney clover lane launch on april 2 (unless you buy the sandals i want…)
that’s it for this week! next week i’ll be back with post-oscar thoughts from someone who saw one oscar-nominated movie (unless, magically, i find the time to watch more before sunday, which is probably not going to happen!) and of course, my opposite-of-expert opinion about oscars fashion. as always, thank you for subscribing and reading this if you’re subscribed, and if you’re not subscribed, please subscribe. also, substack has an app now for apple, so you can get notifications of new issues delivered straight to your phone if that’s something you’re into!